While the development of the qualities to be acquired in order to become a modern-day seducer is largely based on personal development and the demonstration of strong interpersonal skills, some balls can remain stuck to our feet. Shyness, fear of the other’s gaze and judgement, fear of failure and rejection… so many negative feelings, assimilated illusions that hold us back, prevent us from being the person we are inside.
What’s the bottom line? Our social life is much less flourishing than we would like it to be, because we don’t really know how to interact and simply enjoy the moment. The first article in this series will certainly repeat some recurring principles of seduction… but when you know how much your aura, the image of a person with easy contact matters, you tell yourself that it is a slight disadvantage that will end up benefiting the greatest number of people.
So here we are: together, we will analyze the tools at our disposal to become more sociable and thus strengthen our self-confidence with others… to seduce, effectively.
A personal work at the basis of a notable improvement
While it’s true that some people have facilities, are probably more open than others and engage in conversation almost naturally without ever seeming to even think about likely returns, nothing is impossible with a little work.
Personal psychology is the basis of our reflexes, of our way of seeing things and therefore influences our interactions very strongly. The priority to become more sociable is therefore to organize materially an objective reasoning around the implications of our daily exchanges.
Its objective? To enable you to put most of your fears into perspective and understand that no, the fact of expressing yourself, giving your opinion and daring to inject lightness into your behaviour will not make you a privileged target of your interlocutors, quite the contrary.
To become sociable, you must be able to assimilate the fact that your opinion has as much importance or legitimacy as that of your peers. What still keeps you from sharing it is an unfounded, illusory and devastating fear.
Don’t panic though, I have planned a small program to help you to become aware of this fear!
Your action plan to become more sociable
Let’s start at the beginning: to be sociable you’re going to have to be yourself. This statement remains true, despite what you will be able to read now. Understand that self-improvement doesn’t mean you have to deny your values.
It is by assimilating all of this that you will be able to start making concrete efforts today to strengthen your relational capacities. Here are some of the priorities:
– Active introspection: each of our life goals is defined according to our desires, our needs, our aspirations. If your desire to broaden your social circle is a priority, a rethinking is necessary. So take a sheet of paper and a pencil (or stand behind a screen), and answer these simple questions, which will allow you to better define the work to be done.
– What is the greatest risk in talking to strangers? »
– Don’t I have strong points, subjects that I would be able to debate and convince another individual about? »
– “Have I no passion? »
– “Have I ever had any friends? »
– “How did I meet them? »
– Why should a stranger necessarily take a dislike to me if I speak to him? »
– Isn’t an unknown person just a person in the middle of a larger environment? »
– Aren’t there very different tastes in nature? »
– Is a pretty woman necessarily cold and haughty? »
These questions stem from common sense and are very easy to answer. Why do it? To keep the answers in mind throughout the journey that still separates you from the demonstration of your qualities as a seducer or seductress.
You need to change your point of view about yourself and give yourself a chance to come out of your shell. Moreover, you will find here a great source of motivation to never give up in case of a hard blow (rejections and failures will litter your experience, just like everyone else).
– The effective improvement: from the study of your personality always comes an observation regarding the improvements to be made. As you know, the lack of sociability often stems from a questioning of our self-confidence. It is then up to us to develop enriching interactions by remaining open-minded and trying to make up for our shortcomings.
Radical decisions can then be taken to reinforce your knowledge, and thus reassure you of the interest we can show you. Do you think your life is too monotonous?
Try learning a new language, playing a completely unknown sport or reading books on topics such as personal development. Any impulse to change your personal definition will eventually reflect on your interactions!
– Understanding exchange: our fears about relationships are paradoxical and unfounded. Even though we fear the image we project to our interlocutors, dialogue is nothing more than a mirror phenomenon: the people we like are those who reflect a good image of ourselves.
If you want to become more sociable, you have to understand that what is at stake in the discussions that take place in your environment does not concern you directly. The people you are talking to want to be involved, concerned. If you talk to a woman and a white person moves in, you send her the message that nothing interesting comes out of her. And the same thing goes for men.
To find out that out, I suggest you do a little exercise. I’ll give you one hour to approach ten people on the street, regardless of their gender or age. Go up to them and give them a compliment, free of charge, before you go on your way. “Hello sir, very nice watch! “, ” Madam, I love your outfit, have a nice day! »…
Note their reaction: they seem to light up and enjoy the moment and you look like a radiant, confident and sociable person! This precept will then be applicable to seduction in general. During an exchange, you must always keep in mind that the person who matters is not you but the person you are talking to!
Become sociable by following your heart
Do you know what gives charismatic people that image of being dominant, able to adapt to any situation and get along with everyone? It is the search for fulfilment through contact and the present moment. Rather than fearing for his image, the Alpha assumes it and plays on it. Some people don’t appreciate it… but that’s the way life is.
In order to become sociable, you must understand that bonds will only be forged if you are able to be open. Don’t refuse any new experience and evolve without prejudices. The more opinions you have about others, the harder it will be for you to return.
You must force interaction, provoke it. You won’t wake up popular overnight; you have to work on cultivating each relationship to the fullest. Be careful however, and this will certainly be the final word, a sociable person is not too nice.
Sillyness moves away from charisma. It is not by saying amen to everything and everyone that you will become more interesting or more considered. It is still a paradox, but sociability improves first of all in a selfish way, by making an effort in terms of one’s own personal definition.
So what you need to adopt is behavior on the borderline between altruism and empathy, without ever being too quick to do everything for others. Eventually, you’ll end up being tagged with the word “welcome” on your back and used as a doormat!
Okay, now you’ve pretty much figured out what it takes to be sociable. All you have to do now is apply them.